The wake-up call

In order for some of us to wake up we need a wake-up call and in 2012 I got the call. The year 2012 started off on both a good and “bad”note.

During 2011 I noticed a twitch in my right hand, but thought nothing of it….. until January 2012 when I went for various scans and tests.  Two days before the tests, my husband and I discovered that we are expecting our first little bundle of joy (at that time I didn’t realise the amount of joy and inspiration he’ll bring me).

The day of the test I didn’t know what to expect. One thing was for sure, nothing could dampen my mood – I had already fallen in love with the being growing inside of me.  The hospital, doctors and equipment looked extremely intimidating.

Into the machine I went for an MRI scan followed by a nerve conduction later that evening.  The doctor sat us down and broke the news to us…. he made the diagnosis of Motor Neuron Disease also known as ALS (Lou Gehrig disease). I felt the need to cry even though my tears didn’t feel real.

The doctor then told us to consider not having the baby as they were convinced that it would be physically impossible for me to carry him full term (9 months later I gave birth to a beautiful, HEALTHY baby boy)

At that point I heard enough and wanted to go back to my room. My husband and I broke into tears as we consoled each other, devastated by what we just heard and realising that our lives won’t be “normal” again. Later that evening, the doctor came by to give us a number of an association we should go to for support, as well as an appointment to see the gynaecologist the next day to discuss our options. I looked at this Dr in amazement and I remember thinking “options?”. Sure he was just doing his job and sharing what he had studied based on book value.  I realised that to the next human being (in uniform) I was just another number.  A part of me couldn’t buy into all of this while a part of me locked the diagnosis deep inside my cells.

The next morning at the gynaecologists office we discovered that we were 7 weeks pregnant at that time and suggested that I start psychology therapy and anti-depressants immediately. I felt a pit in my stomach as we left the hospital in absolute silence. My husband and I decided to keep it from everyone and deal with it after I give birth.  The focus was on enjoying my pregnancy and living a “normal” life. To this day, I haven’t taken any antidepressants or drugs alike. I have found that meditation amongst other therapies are more beneficial for me.

30th of August 2012, I was scheduled for a cesarean section birth. As the Dr’s were preparing for this beautiful operation, I remember praying boldly as the epidural was inserted, I silently said, “God I know that I am willingly risking my life to give life to my son right now, please keep your hand of protection on this birth and all present in this room”. Gratitude filled my heart when I heard my baby cry for the first time – Thank You Lord for helping me give birth to a healthy 3.68kg beautiful baby boy I prayed. The following morning when the nurses came to mobilize me, I knew that the anaesthetic affected my legs as I staggered to the bathroom. Still trying to keep it under wraps, I knew it was time to face the music.

In October 2012, just before our first wedding anniversary, we broke the news to the family… heartbroken, shocked, and discouraged is what we felt; as the physical evidence started to show. We then had to break the news to my employer who’s been very supportive and sensitive to the whole boarding me from work process. So there I was. . a newly wed, a new mom and a mother of a diagnosis! How do you process that? Where do I even begin?.. those were my thoughts.

On the 7th of November 2012, I was awakened to “life”, the day new hope got restored! A cousin of mine saw my dilemma and truly helped me in such a unique way.  She took me for a therapy session called “Access consciousness” which raised my awareness and my consciousness to a whole new level. Energetically things started shifting as I gained new perspective. I started reading self healing books and meditating which changed the way I approached this dis-ease.

Words of wisdom: With everything that has happened to you…..You can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened as a gift….Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. YOU GET TO CHOOSE

Although physically (in all aspects) it’s a challenge, I am learning (the hard way), the lessons the universe is teaching me. I’ve also learned that each and every experience, condition, and situation in our lives is telling us what we need to do. Life will do everything it can to get your attention hence the ALS showing up. In the words of Louise L Hay, the meaning of this “dis-ease” is my unwillingness to accept self-worth and my denial of success… shocking how on point that is. How do I uncreate what I’ve created in my poor body?? What else is possible? ?? The answer was staring me in my face like, “where have you been Tenille, go within and do the work!” and thus the path of self-discovery became clearer.

I’ve been guided to do various self-empowerment courses. Not in search of a cure…But rather to get in touch with ME.

My awesome son is without a doubt the reason I have had the tenacity to do what I do on a daily basis and being pulled by a vision beyond my imagination. They say pain pushes until the vision pulls.

My journey thus far has NOT been easy (but it hasn’t been all doom and gloom either)..and not for anyone who plays a vital role in my life either.  Through it all, I have an amazing support structure from family, friends and online communities. 

My words of wisdom – keeping it real for me:

If I were asked to give what I consider the single most useful bit of advice for all humanity, it would be this – Expect trouble and difficulties as an inevitable part of life and when it comes, hold your head high, look it squarely in the eye, and say, ‘I will be bigger than you. You cannot defeat me’

My journey continues in a trajectory far different from my medical diagnosis – Read more about this on my next blog!

Remember we are human BEings not DOings… and it’s ok to just BE!

Create moments of love and laughter cause life can truly change in a moment. Ask me.

Love and Light

TK♡

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